When it comes to relationships, there are so many things involved, you can’t tell what will happen tomorrow but you can tell what will make up a relationship tomorrow. Arguably it is the most talked about lifestyle in our system. One way or the other, it rules the good part of human life in at a high speed.
Dating is the most prolific type of relationship existing among the youth and single men and women, it is the most cherished intimacy trending down from adult to the youth.
Many people, especially some clergies disregard this particular relationship because of it invalidity in the bible. In most times, condemnation and injustice declarations are being poured onto those who advocate courtship before marriage.
However, these same people have not been able to find the solutions to why marriages break up and the cure for the chronic divorce disease which has rotten the life of several couples even in churches.
In this article, we are going see why it is very necessary to know the type of woman/man before marrying him/her. We are going to find out why you should date him for some time before taking a lifetime decision.
Marriage is a final and the most crucial decision ever one could take in his life, it cannot be planned and decided in just a blink of an eye (say three months).
Let see why dating is necessary.
Marriage is not a studying platform
There is no studying place for marriage, there is no time for test or trial, there is no time to check up on anything. When you enter, you should be all ready to fight forward no matter are deadly the war will be.
Compatibility in attitude is a very key factor in marriage, more than ninety percent don’t know this. We have a certain attitude which can never match, a typical example is the attitude of ladies, in ladies territory, there is always hate, jealousy and suspicion, you will see them always quarreling and fighting each other.
When a man and a woman decides to spend their entire time living together, they must have a well tried and test attitude of themselves whether they match or not.
The fact is, some human temperament and characters can’t go together, it is not when you have gone to promise him/her for better for worse that you look out for his/her real character.
You have to face the worse when you see it not to be good for you. The matter is not about discriminating other as in some people don’t deserve marriage, but the issue is, some people’s attitude is meant for certain people when you didn’t meet your match, you can never handle him/her, you will always fight and quarrel.
One with timid lifestyle shouldn’t be with timid person else, they will live in grief forever. One with aggressive attitude shouldn’t live with aggressive person else, they will always burst up.
A talkative shouldn’t engage with talkative else, they will always expose themselves. Highly emotional people should engage highly emotional people else, they will always disgrace themselves.
People with strong hearts are not meant for strong hearted people else, they shall always fall. Wise people are meant for foolish people but not the other way round else, they shall be in ruin forever (more to come on this).
It is only in time of dating where you will be able to access all these things. In fact, we don’t just look at it, it demands a thorough studying and investigation, and you need more time to check whether the man/woman will calm down for you anytime you come on top of your emotions or he/she will meet you with the same degree and attitude.
When you marry, these things are going to take place just immediately and straightforward, but if it happens that, both of you are masters, who will be the slave. Such marriage is full of repulsive argument and arrogant from both sides.
You need more than a year to study this, not from one lady, but from many ladies who can be candidates of your choice. You just have to do this.
Observation and experimentation cannot be done in marriage
What do I mean by observation and experimentation? You can’t just marry a lady/gentleman without knowing his/her lifestyle. Forget about what he/she have been doing at church, he is cool doesn’t necessarily mean he will be a good husband neither is he annoying doesn’t necessarily make him a bad husband.
Take time to observe, bring him/her to several subjective issues, invite him/her to your house and observe his/her behaviour towards your family, the way she will treat your brothers and sisters and most of all your parent, make a date with her in the house and see her strength in organising a house.
If you have a small boy or girl, just familiarise to her and see how she treats little children, observe how she talks to them and guides them. it will take a small time though but you shall draw many conclusions from it.
It is in dating times that is where you are going to know the type of man/woman you are within times of hardship. Don’t wait for the marriage before you start doing all these observations.
Try to be sending her, give her some instructions and some orders if she will follow, in doing that, you will know the depth of her respect and responds, try to be provoking him sometimes and see how he will treat you when his emotions go up.
Be vigilant, do several observations and make sure your experiments will go accurately.
Check, whether he likes going to shows and parties, check her responds when you invite her to church and then record the reaction when you invite her to some dinner. Compare the difference and put it to the test of your life, if she will suit your style.
Is she outdoor or indoor type? Is she all round person or limited? Is he courageous or not? What does he/she have the passion for? What kind of games and pleasure has he/she been taking and playing during his leisure hours? Do you like it? Does he/she like going to church or mosque? Is he/she prayerful? In fact, you are to know all these lifestyles by doing thorough observation and experimentation.
We don’t marry before doing all these.
Knowing these doesn’t grant one the chance to quit or breaks somebody’s heart but it gives a whole idea about how and the degree you must use to handle your partner, it gives you enough awareness to check on your partner’s weakness so to know how you are going to help him now and the future.
It takes more than a year in fixing this. Be with him/her for sometime before you take a final decision.
You don’t need just a partner
You need an adviser, a counselor, a teacher, a friend and a helper. You need someone who will take care of your heart and emotions. You don’t just marry a man, cook for him, wash his clothes and in the night, open your legs for him.
He should be talking to you as a friend, guide and assist you in the things you will be doing, the man you will marry should be the guard for your emotions, he should handle you in the better, in the worse too, he shouldn’t abandon you.
The man you will marry should be setting himself as an anchor for all your jurisdiction.
It takes a very long time in knowing all these things, just see if he/she can be able to offer you such services.
Heartbreak is better than divorce
Because of civilization, divorce has been something so cheap that even, highly cultured people like Africans buy it every day.
It is so appropriate, especially to the women for a man to call it off in dating than to end with you in an official marriage. In a way, both are not to be mention, but I think you can save your dignity in ending in courtship more than marriage.
Is unpredictable, so don’t rush to go into it, be with him/her for a while and see if things can work out before you go in for the final marriage right.
It’s a matter of time
You need time, you just need it so badly, don’t limit yourself as to when you must enter into marriage, let the condition and situation decide for themselves, sit back, relax and watch what can be executed next or go into it for you to be executed.
Give time it time, don’t give yourself a time. In a relationship, we don’t control it by using our own watch, it controls itself. You don’t know when you are going to fall in love neither do you know whom you will love tomorrow, just take your time in implementing all the mentioned points.
Date before you marry. Marriage now is a business.
Every one has his/her own purpose
Do you know the reason why he proposed to you?
Do you know the reason why she has been looking at you anytime you meet her?
Do you have the knowledge of the things she has been told as to why she should seduce you and push you into marriage?
Why at all is he disturbing and pressing you to marry him so early like that?
In fact, there are many questions to ask, and I think you have more than many to ask yourself about why a man/woman is in no rush to marry you.
Desperation comes without a reason, a mission comes when there is a vision and every vision has a purpose, just take your time to know the purpose of which one has decided to choose you as his/her husband/wife.
Don’t be manipulated by her beauty and wealth, don’t be too curious in knowing his adversaries, don’t be on rush for him to put promising ring in your fingers, relax and study the whole situation, be vigilant, take your time, just give him/her a break and let your life move at it normal speed.
Don’t let anybody come to put you into a forced marriage. If possible, Date him/her for some years and check the scenes behind.