Problems coming into relationships, especially marriage are inevitable, it all depends on how we understand them and the way we handle them in general.
The structure of marriage is in such a way that; you must face the reality and do what it due or approach it with your own way and have your life being ruled by it.
Those who understand and uses the former are not even up to 5%. The rest uses the latter and that is the reason for our ruin.
Culture has been one of the prime entities in African dispensation, you can’t talk about Africa without projecting its cultural and Traditional values.
That has been our greatest weapon, it bounds us to discipline, ethical and moral values in facilitating our progress and indigenous development.
The number one step for a group of people to be blind and get their aims and goals blotted is the unrecognition of their culture and traditions. It scratches their image, and make void of all the good things in them.
However, this has been the case of Ghana, most of the messages we are sending across the streams of our lives all seem to portray the life and values of Western Culture.
This generation sees marriage in a very different way.
There has been a constant repulsion in almost all the marriage activities going on in our system and is between our culture and that of different norms, below are things you are trying to resist, which have either caused your divorce or are still quenching the fires in your marriage.
They were/are rooted from our culture and tradition.
This has been the number one problem for those who don’t understand it. In Ghana, people still dispute and haven’t understood that, when you marry a man/woman, you are also married to his/her family.
Modernization and civilization are there, but please, protect your marriage and dignity by simply adapting to this old-traditional substance. The undisputed fact is, they will come, family members will make themselves pioneers of the marriage.
They will be integral contributors of the bond, and in no circumstance will they surrender this self-mandatory task.
I will not place the victimization of its woes to either the man or woman, it happens in diverse ways, sometimes the men suffer from this a lot, in the same way, that women also suffer from this a lot.
This interference has it beginning and it ending sourcing from money and material things.
When a man builds a materialistic reputation with his wife, in most cases, the forces from the family becomes dense, some of his family members turn to tyrants and they will be seeing the woman to be monster, raining all source of inhuman affronts on her.
Its a menace to relationships, in the house, sisters-in-law, brothers-in-law, nephew and nieces, mothers-in-law and fathers-in-law will be coming day in day out, they will come for money, materials, accommodation, and habitations.
You just can’t resist them. When there is a funeral in your husband or wife’s home, you are obliged to go, else you have to prepare for bitter speculations and shadows of bad perception.
We all know it a problem, but the more you resist, the more it keeps pushing your life, the more the relationship shakes, the higher the possibility of divorce.
Find a smarter way to solve it.
The children’s position
Patrilineal and Matrilineal systems of inheritance also form an integral part of our culture. In Akan, children in every nuclear family belong to the woman, if you are a man and you dare to challenge, you will simply invite problems to yourself.
Some men have tried and it’s either he faces the feuds of the woman’s family or get his respect vanished from the children. In most areas in the Northern part of Ghana, the children must go to the father’s side of the family.
There too, some women have tried to dispute and they have been eliminated. Some things are just to be consumed.
Are you in the process of changing that mentality in your marriage? I’ll advise you to stop and concentrate more on how you will build a legacy to the whole family, both the nuclear and extended.
This is another slippery area which shouldn’t in no circumstance be tempted. I think you should have first know the tradition of your partner before marrying him/her.
The traditions for every tribe in Ghana is very vital in the projection and protection of their existence. You can’t do away with it, you will be subjected to it and will be under full obligation in showing respect to it.
Don’t be so arrogant and religious to challenge it, I think it shouldn’t be part of just one of the problems you are facing. My dear women, for the sake of the children; just keep mute, don’t dare yourself to question your husband’s home tradition, you have more essential problems to solve than that.
My fellow men, save your wife from the woes of her family and just comply with her home traditions. Never say; such are idolatry, there aren’t idolatrous acts more than the type of Christianity the Europeans brought to us.
If you can’t tolerate that, then I think you should save yourself by not marrying an African woman, every home has her peculiar traditions.
The superiority of the man
This is general, and it started since the world commenced. In the Bible and the Qur’an, it is very clear. Modernism has just simplified globalization in such a way that, people try to inculcate other people’s culture to his own country folks.
In fact, women shouldn’t counteract this fact, raising yourself to be the head isn’t the solution to what you think is the problem. If the man is not allowing that, what happens next? Such marriage is full of court issues.
Even though the men have taken advantage to stigmatize and brutalize the women in so many ways, but a solution to a problem can never be another problem.
You can’t use problem to solve a problem. Some marriages are in fire because some of the women, especially those with a higher educational background, are always claiming respect to themselves, their anthems have always been; human right and women empowerment, but those advocacies do not reach there.
These women challenge men a lot in relationships, they go extra miles of instructing the men on the things which they are obliged to do. Some women draw a timetable for their husband as to when to make love to them.
I am not pushing the act of sexual slavery in marriage, but as to what power should be rendered to a woman to decide times of lovemaking? Such women have gone beyond reality.
Be a woman, don’t invisibly change your gender.
The phenomenalism of a woman
Women are different creatures altogether, they exist in a different world of this world. You can’t imagine the power they possess they are unpredictable. Failing to address the qualities of women, means you are packing woes in your life.
The kind of pain and trauma they go through in pregnancy, the pain in labor, the hard times in raising that your (man) little baby, the very extravagant service and attention they would have in putting them in shape.
They will do all these things with an unlimited power.
Women will sleep with hunger to fill the belly of her children, men will never do that.
They are a phenomenon.
Any man who resist this, resist his own progress.